


i promise you the truth can't hurt us now (i want to love you but i don't know how)

by infinitefire



Category: The Worst Witch (TV 2017)
Genre: (kinda), Absence, Angst, But then life happened, F/F, Fireside Confessions, Fluff, Holidays, How Do I Tag, Hurt/Comfort, Mutual Pining, Remote Cabin/Inn, Storms, Winter, and, and i think school might be actively trying to kill me, but it does have a happy ending, but mostly - Freeform, first holiday together, for a story written for a winter fluff event this isn't very fluffy, i meant to write a bunch more fluff after this, i might still write more and make this a series bc i have ideas but don't count on it, including - Freeform, kinda mashup of a bunch of prompts for the winter fluff event
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-12
Updated: 2018-12-12
Packaged: 2019-09-17 04:02:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,128
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16967292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/infinitefire/pseuds/infinitefire
Summary: Pippa Pentangle thinks ten days alone with Hecate Hardbroom, the woman she's been pining after for years, is a wonderful idea. She loves how incredibly romantic it sounds. She thinks there's a chance Hecate feels the same way—something good might come of this.Hecate Hardbroom thinks ten days alone with Pippa Pentangle, the woman she's been pining after for years, is a terrible idea. She hates how incredibly romantic it sounds. She knows there's no chance Pippa feels the same way—nothing good will come of this.





	i promise you the truth can't hurt us now (i want to love you but i don't know how)

**Author's Note:**

> fun fact: i have 0 personal experience being in a relationship or being an adult and almost all of my knowledge comes from fiction. just like, overall, i'm young and i don't know shit. about half of this is way out of my writing comfort zone and nothing has been beta'd, so criticism is very much appreciated! (please be gentle though)
> 
> anyway i'd like to thank every fanfic author who has ever named their works with song lyrics for expanding my taste in music. first half of this fic's title is from "the words" by christina perri, second half is from "neptune" by sleeping at last (i couldn't pick one so i just used both).
> 
> hope you enjoy!!

Hecate is pacing around her quiet room at Cackle's, shoulders hunched forward, hand clutching at the watch around her neck.

She's made her decision. It's too late to change her mind now. Still, she can't stop the guilt from clawing at her.

 _Coward_ , hisses the voice inside her head. _This is why you don't deserve her_.

 _I know_ , she thinks, _and I never will._

Pippa had only invited her out of courtesy, she's certain. The question of holiday plans had only been a topic for idle conversation, and the invitation to stay at Pentangle's only a polite offer so Pippa wouldn't have to feel so bad about Hecate spending the holidays alone.

So why invite her to the cabin? Surely Hecate wasn't that important to Pippa. Surely she didn't mean enough for Pippa to abandon her school for ten days, leave behind all her plans just to spend time with her, just so that Hecate wouldn't be alone. But Pippa had done it anyway. She had invited Hecate to spend part of her holidays with her, alone, in her family's cabin where Hecate knew Pippa had spent most of her holidays growing up (she had even invited Hecate one memorable summer when they were 13), knowing Hecate wasn't fond of larger gatherings; she had insisted it wasn't a bother when Hecate had politely declined (she didn't think she'd be able to handle constantly being so close to Pippa, alone with Pippa, for such an extended period of time), and had almost begged when Hecate refused again.

And when Pippa looked at her like _that_ , it was so hard for Hecate to say no. Clearly, it's going to be her downfall.

Because, Hecate realizes, halting her pacing, she must mean a great deal to Pippa for her to want to spend the holidays alone with her. And now Hecate has ruined everything they've worked so hard to steadily rebuild, all because she can't face her own feelings.

Because Pippa deserves so much better than a friend who thinks about her the way Hecate does.

_No. I'm making excuses again._

This is just like the last time.

 _But it doesn't have to be_ , Hecate thinks, strengthening her resolve with a dose of Wide Awake potion before she can change her mind. With a flick of her fingers, all the things she needs are packed into a bag, her cloak is wrapped around her shoulders, her broomstick is in her hand, and she's setting off into the cold winter night in the hopes of reaching Pippa before it's too late.

She knows she'll ruin things sooner or later with the feelings she's tried so hard to push down. But she'll also ruin things if she leaves Pippa waiting. Either way, the damage will be irreparable. (The damage already is irreparable.) But this time, Pippa at least deserves to know why, without having to wait another thirty years for half an explanation.

The wind rushes through the fabric of her cloak. Clouds loom overhead. There must be a storm coming. Hecate's resolve wavers, but she presses on.

When the storm comes, she casts a spell to shield her from the elements and a spell to let her see where she's going. She knows she has a very long flight ahead of her, one that will be much harder in this weather, but she doesn't care. She has to get to Pippa, health and safety be damned.

* * *

Pippa is sitting on a comfortable chair in the living room of her parents' cabin, worrying.

She's been looking forward to this ever since she first had the idea to spend the winter holidays with Hecate here, after her parents had offered to let her use the place as a getaway from work, seeing as they would be travelling elsewhere. She'd called Hecate immediately after, tried not to seem too eager, although she's not entirely sure she succeeded on that front. It took a bit of convincing to get Hecate to agree, but they arranged to meet here this evening, and everything after that had been a blur of anticipation and excitement at the thought of a holiday with Hecate.

But Hecate isn't here.

Curling into herself, Pippa wonders—hopes—that this is a nightmare. She knows it's not. _This is what you get for forgetting to worry_ , she chides herself. In hindsight, Hecate had been so hesitant to agree to this, and yet, Pippa had pushed, insisted that Hecate mustn't spend the holidays alone. Perhaps Hecate had never wanted to come in the first place. Perhaps that's why she isn't here.

Perhaps this is what happened the last time. Looking back, Hecate hadn't been particularly keen on the idea of the broomstick display. She hadn't even planned on trying out; she only did it after Pippa had encouraged her. Maybe Pippa had been too forceful with her encouragement, maybe she had neglected to consider whatever reasons Hecate might have had for not wanting to do the display. She thinks back to their reconciliation.

_"You were always the popular one. You didn't want me getting in your way."_

_"I didn't care about those silly witches! You were the only one I wanted to be friends with."_

_"But I thought—"_

_"What? Just because you were the tall, gangly one I'd rather spend time with them?"_

What had she thought? What was she about to say before Pippa had interrupted her, before she had assumed to know what Hecate was thinking? Clearly, it's not an assumption she can make. Clearly, she has no idea what goes on in Hecate's mind. Clearly, she doesn't know her friend as well as she thinks she does.

A glance out the window tells Pippa that there's a storm outside. Part of her hopes that Hecate has only been delayed by the storm, that she hasn't abandoned her again. Part of her knows that it's been two hours since Hecate was supposed to arrive, and the storm hadn't broken yet two hours ago.

She waves her hand to change into her pajamas and fluffy pink robe. She curls up in her chair and allows herself to cry.

Hours later, when her tears have dried and left her eyes puffed up and her nose and cheeks stained red, and she's picked up a novel to distract her from her misery, she hears a knock at the door. She sets down her book and goes to answer it.

She feels all of her sadness and disappointment wash away as anger and betrayal and heartbreak begin bubbling up to the surface, buried under a mountain of concern (and somewhere, deep down, a glimmer of hope) at the sight of Hecate, drenched in rain, shivering slightly, broom in one hand and bag in the other.

Immediately she steps aside to allow her in, gestures for her to leave her broom next to Pippa's on the stand near the door, takes her bag and vanishes it to a bedroom. There's a gentle breeze as Hecate casts a drying spell on herself. Pippa moves to the sitting area and gestures for Hecate to sit on the couch as she grabs throw blankets from around the room to wrap around the other witch. Hecate gives a nod of thanks and curls into them. A flick of Pippa's fingers has a fire crackling in the fireplace.

Hecate's eyes stay trained on the carpet as Pippa wordlessly goes about making tea; she still doesn't look up when Pippa hands her the warm mug, only mumbles her thanks and takes a sip. Pippa sighs inwardly as she turns away and walks over to sit in the chair across from Hecate.  
  
They sit there wordlessly. The strained silence stretches out in the space between them until it becomes unbearable. (Silence was always comfortable when it was just them, back when nothing needed saying, back when they were at a place where they could enjoy each other's company with neither the mental strain of having to process conversation nor the stress of feeling obligated to interact. Needless to say, things have changed.)

"I almost thought," says Pippa finally, "you were going to leave me here." _Alone. Again._

Hecate doesn't know what to say to that. She settles on the truth. "So did I."

"Why?" asks Pippa. She does nothing to hide the hurt in her voice, the pain in her eyes.

"I was afraid." Hecate's voice breaks. Tears prick at the corners of her eyes.

"Of what?"

Hecate knew coming here that she would have to answer this. And yet, she can't bring herself to speak. The answer is too painful. She knows the moment the words leave her lips, everything she has with Pippa will be over.

She isn't ready for this to end. She doesn't think she ever will be. She swallows the lump in her throat and says nothing.

Pippa feels years and years of hurt bubbling inside her, boiling away into anger. She doesn't want to be angry with Hecate, doesn't want to express it, knowing how sensitive the other woman is, but she's so tired, tired from a long night spent waiting and worrying and crying and hurting, tired from all the work she's put into rebuilding this friendship, tired from decades of waiting for an explanation for why her best friend left her, tired from a lifetime of never fully understanding Hecate Hardbroom. She crosses the room to sit next to Hecate on the sofa, still keeping a safe distance between them. "Talk to me," she pleads, a fresh wave of tears threatening to break through. "Please."

Hecate stays quiet for a long time, sitting completely still, cradling her tea with both hands in her lap, staring into the fireplace, as if its crackling heat will give her the guidance she desperately seeks. Pippa is almost ready to give up and storm off when Hecate speaks up softly.

"I'm in love with you." (There's no other way for her to say it, no way for her to soften the revelation that will surely ruin them.)

Pippa gasps softly.

"I'm so sorry, Pippa." Hecate is crying, eyes half closed and gaze fixed on her lap. She can't bring herself to look at Pippa, can't bring herself to face the betrayal in Pippa's eyes.

"Hecate—" begins Pippa, and Hecate winces, silently crying harder.

"Hiccup," she tries again, tentatively placing a hand on Hecate's shoulder, and Hecate stills. "I'm in love with you too."

Hecate turns her head a fraction of the way towards Pippa, face stricken with confusion and awe.

"How?" she whispers. Pippa's heart breaks again. (She wasn't even aware it could break this far.) "I left you. I almost left you again."

Pippa is crying too now, and it's taking all her self-restraint not to throw her arms around Hecate and bury her face in her shoulder.

"After all I've done to you, how can you still love me?"

"Because I always have." Pippa moves her hand to cup Hecate's cheek and gently turn her head to face her. Her breath catches in her throat at the pain in Hecate's expression. She wants to comfort her, wants to kiss away her tears until Hecate forgets everything but how utterly adored she is. "Because you are one of the most wonderful people I know."

"Pipsqueak."

Pippa gives in. She moves closer to Hecate, wraps an arm around her shoulders, rubs her back, leans in so their foreheads touch. Hecate's tea vanishes to the side table, and her hands move uncertainly to Pippa's shoulder and waist. "Please stay with me, Hiccup."

"I will."

Sobbing in relief, Pippa presses herself closer, cries into Hecate's shoulder, clings to her. Hecate's arms tighten around her, and she nuzzles Pippa's head, murmuring apologies into her hair, murmuring promises to always stay with her.

When she finally looks up at Hecate's face, Pippa is beaming. Hecate returns a small smile of her own. Pippa's fingers caress the back of Hecate's neck, playing with the small hairs that have come loose from her bun. Hecate closes her eyes, looking almost content.

"Oh, Hecate, we've both been fools."

"No, Pipsqueak. I've been a fool. You've been …" Hecate trails off, gazing at Pippa like she's her entire world. She moves her hands to Pippa's cheeks, gently brushing away some of the tears that have gathered there with her thumbs. "Everything. Brave, kind, and," she breathes shakily, "more than I deserve."

The gentle reverence in her tone overwhelms Pippa. She can tell how much it takes for Hecate to open her heart like this, and she wants Hecate to feel just as loved. "Darling, you deserve the world."

"You are my world," Hecate whispers.

"Then you deserve the world and more."

"As do you." Hecate leans in, inches her face just slightly closer to Pippa's.

Pippa mirrors the action. "As long as you're with me, I'll have everything I've ever wanted."

Hecate exhales. "I want to give you even more."

"Hecate," Pippa breathes, trembling under the force of all the emotion Hecate is pouring out to her, under the intensity of this newfound intimacy, "may I—"

"Yes."

Pippa brings their lips together. She's unprepared for the raw emotion—both of them are shaking a little and both of them are crying, but they're both smiling, and all Pippa can think is _finally, finally, finally._ Her tongue reaches out to taste Hecate's lips; she tastes peppermint tea and a hint of rain, and she's reminded that Hecate flew through a storm all night to reach her at the last minute. Reluctantly, she pulls away, blushing and breathing heavily, to look up at a similarly flustered Hecate. Her expression shifts to concern, much like when Hecate first walked through the door, only this time it's full of warmth and love, no trace of the harshness there was then.

"You flew through a storm," she comments. "You must be exhausted."

"I'm fine, Pippa."

"You need to sleep." Pippa moves her hands up to begin pulling the pins out of Hecate's bun, allowing the braid to fall loose down her back. Hecate sighs, letting her eyelids flutter closed. Pippa starts undoing the braid, running her fingers through Hecate's long, beautiful hair, massaging her head when she reaches the top. Hecate hums.

"Come, darling. Let's go to bed."

Hecate quirks an eyebrow suggestively.

"To sleep," Pippa emphasizes. "We've plenty of time to do anything else you'd like once you're rested."

Hecate flushes.

"Unless you'd rather not," adds Pippa quickly. "Whatever you want, darling. But now—" she snaps her fingers and they reappear in one of the bedrooms, sitting on the edge of the bed—"sleep."

Surrendering to the reality of how tired she is, Hecate lifts her fingers to change her clothes, magicking the blankets wrapped around her into a neat pile on an armchair in the corner.

A smile creeps up on Pippa's face at the sight of Hecate so thoroughly relaxed. It isn't perfect, this thing between them—there's still an air of disbelief about Hecate that Pippa will do anything to rectify later—but it's good, so good, and so full of hope and promise. Unable to resist, Pippa turns Hecate's head to face her with a hand on her cheek and presses a gentle kiss to her nose. Hecate laughs quietly.

It's the first time Pippa's heard that sound in years. She runs her fingers along Hecate's jaw, trying to communicate all the love she feels with her gaze. Hecate seems to understand, because she leans in to press a soft, lingering kiss to Pippa's lips.

Pippa stands up, and Hecate immediately grabs her wrist. "Stay here?"

Pippa takes Hecate's hand into her own and brings it to her lips to kiss her knuckles. "Of course."

* * *

When Hecate wakes, she's alone. It takes her a moment to recognize the unfamiliar bed and the unfamiliar room, to slowly remember what happened the night before. It takes her a moment more to start wondering where Pippa is.

She sits up and leans against the headboard as panic sets in. A thousand improbable scenarios run through her head—she'd collapsed just when she arrived and last night's conversations had been a dream and now she's stuck here with Pippa, who only sees her as a friend, for the rest of the week; she'd confessed her feelings and then passed out and dreamed the rest and the moment Pippa realizes she's awake she'll be facing Pippa's wrath; the whole thing had just been a cruel trick where Pippa led her to believe that maybe Pippa felt the same way, only to abandon her as revenge for what she did all those years ago—and she gets so caught up in the spiral of thoughts that she almost doesn't notice when Pippa enters the room.

"Good morning, Hiccup," she says. She's already dressed; the soft worn pajamas and fuzzy pink robe from the night before have been replaced by a pair of light denim jeans and a long-sleeve Weirdsister College t-shirt. She's smiling, and the look in her eyes is filled with love.

"Morning, Pipsqueak," Hecate manages to respond, briefly tilting the corners of her mouth up in a fleeting half-smile. Her face quickly falls back to a frown.

"Hiccup?"

Hecate's fairly sure now that last night was real, but uncertainty and insecurity get the better of her like they haven't in years. "I—I have to ask," she says slowly, "last night—what—how much was real?"

Pippa gazes at Hecate softly, tenderly, as she rounds the corner of the bed and perches on the edge next to her. She reaches out to brush a strand of Hecate's hair behind her ear. Hecate's eyelids flutter. "Are you asking about this?" whispers Pippa, pressing a kiss to Hecate's lips.

Hecate's face breaks out in a smile.

"I went and got us breakfast. Would you like to come down and eat?"

"Later," says Hecate, producing a squeal from Pippa as she lifts her by the hips and flips them over so Hecate is lying above her. The landing is a bit clumsy, and Hecate instantly pulls back when she ends up putting more of her weight than intended on top of Pippa in an attempt not to fall off the bed. "I'm sorry. Did I hurt you?"

Pippa beams up at Hecate, shakes her head, and pulls her back down to kiss her deeply. She laughs when a strand of Hecate's hair, now hanging loose, gets caught between their mouths, and gently brushes it away, taking the opportunity to thread her fingers through the other woman's hair, gasping at the sound she makes in response.

"I love you," she mutters against Hecate's lips.

Hecate's hand moves to cradle Pippa's face, gently, reverently. "I love you too, Pipsqueak."

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading!! all comments are rewarded with my eternal love and gratitude!!


End file.
